Friday, September 05, 2008
i went for a run just now. i ran and ran and ran. i never thought i could run so fast for so long. then i stopped and i just sat alone in the dark along the canal. and for those few moments, i could only hear the beating of my heart and i felt nothing. for awhile i thought i was drunk on running so fast. i just sat there and looked ahead at the waters. running thoughts through my mind. like everything just rolled along the way. then i looked up, looked around, and suddenly i started feeling the pain from my toes up. i was aching everywhere. and the pain wouldn't stop. i think the saddest thing that could happen to anyone is when sth happens to you but nobody knows. they may care but do they know? or they just continue living everyday as it was just another day. i want the world to stop going when sth bad happens. just for awhile. i don't want to have to live like nothing is wrong. is it the one you don't need but the one you want? or is it the one you need but the one you don't want? i realised the one i need i can no longer have. but like tonight when im all alone because no one cares. i let go of the one i need for the one i want. i don't even know what im saying anymore. i don't even know what to do. or who i want. or need.
- everything's just temporary;
11:09 PM
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
i miss US. when you're there you just somehow feel you belong there so much more than you belong here. it's just so restricted. back in the states, we managed to do whatever we wanted to. we managed to say whatever we wanted to say. only cause we were in the states. i've never felt so strongly bout the freedom of speech, never fully every understood what that meant till i actually went there. the US national anthem states US as a land of the free. do you know how much that could mean to me now? i really want to be free. i want to breathe the US air again, i want to go back to experiencing the culture there, i want to go back and walk the entire golden gate bridge over and over again, i want to go down lombard street and look back up, i want to spend my nights there crying because everything was so perfect. so perfect. have you ever felt that something or somewhere was just so perfect? not because of the awesome stars that lit up the dark nights, neither was it because of the beautiful sceneries that US offers -- though they definitely play a part; but because of the feeling you get where you are so carefree, nothing to worry about, nothing at all. those were definitely the best days of my life. i found what i wanted, what i needed. i found myself. i grew up. and my life just totally started all over again from there.
- everything's just temporary;
9:48 PM
